Here’s why I stopped blogging

There was a very obvious drop off in posts after December of 2015. 2015. I couldn’t even tell you who I was in 2015. So so so much has changed since then it seems like another life ago. That is half the reason I stopped blogging- too much time had passed. But here is the big one: I was lost.

I was a junior in high school and suddenly my life was not so simple anymore. School was hard, everyone was busy, and out of nowhere, boys had entered the equation. The thing is, freshman and sophomore year I thought I had it all figured out. I felt like I had advice to give and that what I was saying was right. Junior year is when a big dose of reality came my way and I realized I needed to sit down and buckle up, because I had no idea what I was doing.

That feeling was basically my life for the next two years. This massive uncertainty was constantly surrounding me, but then I found myself as a freshman at Elon sitting in English 110 this past semester. By the grace of God (I swear) I was given the best english professor. I fell in love with english and writing again. I was excited to go to his class twice a week and thrilled to write papers. We did not do the basic argumentative essays we wrote ones he thought would actually interest us and make us want to write them.

We wrote a recommendation letter essay, an essay about music, and a modern love essay. My poor professor had no idea that having us write this modern love essay would essentially turn him into my therapist for the semester. This essay was part of my final portfolio so I worked on it all semester. Yes, the essay is about a boy, but more than that my professor made me realize the larger underlying story going on- I had no idea what the hell I was doing. The essay ends with me coming to terms with the fact I don’t have it all figured out, and beyond that, maybe I am okay with it.

So no, I still do not know what I am doing. But, I do think that is okay. I am 18. I am not supposed to have it all figured out. The purpose of this blog is now dedicated to not figuring it out, but riding along with me throughout the journey.

Everyone buckle up again because I am about to start my sophomore year of college and who knows what will happen. I sure don’t.


Carrie xx

A Reason, A Season, Or A Lifetime | Reason 1

Hi everyone, it has definitely been awhile. So here I am, February of my Freshman year of college, and I haven’t blogged in forever. I really miss it and I miss having something creative that is fully mine. So I know I say this a lot, but I’m coming back. It won’t be consistent (at least not right now), but I plan on making it more honest, more open , and more about my life. 

So this big paragraph below was a post that I wrote in May of my senior year of high school and never posted, but I still think it should be put out there. It was very true to how I was feeling at the time. An update to how I’m feeling now is coming soon. 🙂 

Here we are at the end of my senior year and I have thoughts, a lot of them. I have been wanting to write something for quite some time now but I was not sure exactly what or how I wanted to say certain things. Today though I was scrolling through Pinterest and the quote that the title of this post is based on popped into my head. “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” This year has been nothing that I expected it to be. Some parts have been absolutely the best moments of my life thus far, and some have been heart wrenching to be quite frank. But the thing is even all of the bad, like one of my friends said the other day, has been connected to some good. This year has been a rollercoaster and because God has a funny sense of humor and once again needed to get the point across that I can’t see everything that’s coming and to never say never, this past month has been more confusing than ever. So what’s the real, direct inspiration behind this post? A few weekends ago was my senior prom and our after party was amazing and by Monday everyone was super sentimental. It made us realize that we love our class and we can have a heck of a lot of fun together. So, while three of my friends and I were sitting at a table in Whataburger at 4 in the morning on that early Sunday a thought popped into my head: There are a lot of people I have gotten close to in the second half of the year that I wish I would have known this whole time. Most of the people I hang out with now I was not even speaking to freshman year. There are very very few people I told everything to freshman year that I still tell everything to. One, to be exact. These people that have come into my life in the past year, six months, even this month have genuinely made such an impact on me. I have made memories with them that I (hope) I will carry forever. It’s funny to think that some of the best nights were spent with people that a year ago you didn’t know at all. But back to the title… I worry all the time about loosing contact with people, forgetting memories, and truthfully, people forgetting me. Trust me, I have been told over and over again that if people are meant to stay in my life we will always find our way back to each other. But it kills me to think that there really are some people that after graduation and after this summer, I may never see again. And it’s even stranger to think that some people you want to know for a lifetime may only be seasonal, or most of the time for me, reason people. So truthfully, I am not quite sure what the point of this post is. Maybe it’s to say this: savor your time with people, embrace everything, and don’t hold grudges.

So, I Stayed Too Busy 2

If there was a label for the 2.5 months that I have been a senior in high school the option right in-between “Yikes” and “This is a Joke, Right?” would be “So, I Stayed Too Busy”.

I cannot blame anyone but myself for this predicament, because I basically planned to be too busy all year. I figured it would be the best way for me to function. I have found that I am seriously not alone in this belief that, “if I just stay too busy I won’t have time to stop and think”. It’s no secret that last year was kind of a mess, and as a result I was a mess. I went into senior year (along with many of my friends) believing that staying perhaps over engaged would be the best distraction. I was very concerned that I would immediately end up just like I was my junior year if I wasn’t constantly doing something. I was worried that if I had a second to think, or a minute of quiet, that things would blow up in my face. I really thought that if I stayed busy I wouldn’t start to care about the guy I was talking to, and I could stay not caring about the guy that I’m not supposed to care about. I thought that I wouldn’t have time to be anxious, or over analyze. I thought that if I focused on what I was doing I wouldn’t be so worried about future college decisions. I thought going and going and never taking a break would fix my problems. And it kind of makes sense doesn’t it? Isn’t it always what they tell you to do? Focus on you! Work hard! Always have something to do! This is great for a while, until this too blows up in your face.


I started realizing how overwhelmed I was when I started getting yelled at by my body. My body does this really great thing where when I get too stressed or too tired or I just haven’t stopped going, it completely shuts down. Before I know it I’m waking up from a much needed nap with a fever and am ten times more tired than when I went to sleep. My body forces me to take a day and do nothing. This has already happened twice this year, and to be completely honest, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened more. I knew senior year would be crazy, but whoever said junior year was the hardest really was delusional.

I am hoping that things are starting to return to a more normal, or at least more manageable, pace. I think (please everyone pray for me) that college applications are done, I might be dropping out of AP Calculus because honestly I just want my sanity back, and maybe I can start to focus on things that need attention that I actually enjoy doing. During my most recent full blown freak out two Mondays ago I realized I was really unhappy with something in my life and that I wasn’t spending as much time doing the things that bring me joy. I want to write more. I haven’t really blogged solidly in a year, and that really really  bothers me. Me stopping blogging last year shouldn’t have happened, but it did and I can’t change that. While it would be for different reasons this year, I don’t want it to happen again.

To sum everything up, I’m coming back. It won’t be a ton of content all at once (it is still senior year), but I want to get more posts up. I want to try my hardest and I really hope y’all will stick this wild ride out with me.


16 Things I Learned When I Was 16 | 16 2

I have been working on this post for a while. Throughout the past several months I have been slowly compiling a list of things. Some lighthearted, some not. Some are quotes, and some are just thoughts. Here is the thing, I feel like in some ways this list makes me seem like some very wise teenage girl who may have slipped up in the past but really has it together now. I cannot stress how false that is. I still mess up all the time. I still have friends yelling at me for how stupid I can be on the reg. I am still trying to beat everything on this list into my brain. This list more than anything is a list of things I should have learned when I was 16. So, heres to one heck of a year:


Dear sixteen year old Carrie,

  1. You don’t know this yet, but you like attention. The fact is, you like being liked. That will blind you for much of this year, but don’t let that take away from the fact that you like you too.
  2. You will cry and get mad at a couple of your friends for telling you the truth and yelling at you, but love them with everything in you because they wouldn’t yell if they didn’t care.
  3. The way people treat you is not a statement about you, but a statement about them; so for the love of God stop thinking you did something wrong.
  4. I don’t know how to prepare you for how some of your best friends will let you down this year, but trust me when I tell you you will learn who is worth forgiving, and what forgiveness really is.
  5. Every single one of your feelings is valid.
  6. Eating ice cream at midnight is amazing and you should do it all the time.
  7. You will be shocked by the people you now call your best friends, but they are the best people on earth and love you more than you know. Also, y’all will help each other get through everything this year so you owe them a big thank you.
  8. The only way he wins is if you allow him to change your heart. He doesn’t win unless you stoop to his level. There is a lot of strength in staying soft.
  9. Writing and reading are amazing forms of therapy and I strongly recommend you never hold back on doing either.
  10. Speaking of, never be afraid to ask for help.
  11. Please make sure you are always in charge of your happiness and self worth. It is so easy to give that power over to other people, but it is also very dangerous.
  12. YO, HUN, you should trust him when he says he isn’t a good guy. Translation: he doesn’t care enough to change. 🙂
  13. Go to every dance and every silly school function. Trust me you will love them all.
  14. You’re amazing and funny and really cool and you have a lot to offer and you should always remember that!
  15. Literally if there is one thing you need to do it’s this: Stop romanticizing those who have hurt you.
  16. People look up to you and care about what you have to say. Remember this when you feel like you have nothing to give.

At the end of the year you’ll look back and be amazed. While parts of this year were rough to say the least you got through them with amazing people by your side. You made awesome memories and had a hell of a lot of fun. All I can say is I hope it only gets better from here.


Seventeen year old Carrie

A List of 10 Things I Know to be True | true 4

For the most part I have been quiet about why I haven’t been blogging as frequently as I would like to. I didn’t know how to say what I was feeling without coming directly out and saying it, but here it is- I am tired of having a fashion blog. If there is one thing I have learned in the past 10 months of writing nonstop it is that I have a voice, I have something to say, and I want to use that voice to talk about something real. I am not in any way putting down people who write about fashion. I still love it and use it as a huge escape, but I want to talk about more.

Last year I wrote a Sunday Reflection every single week, but beyond that I was essentially a fashion blog. The funny thing is, Sophomore year I truly hadn’t “gone through” anything. School was my biggest source of anxiety, and honestly I would kill for that now. This all seems slightly melodramatic (but its me, I’m kinda dramatic) but honestly I am just trying to get my point across. Life isn’t always sunshine and roses no matter how many bloggers try and make it seem like it is. 

I am not saying I will never do an outfit post again, because like I said, I still love it. However, I want to become known more as a place where girls my age can come and feel understood, get advice or feel like they aren’t going through something alone. Because let’s be honest, life is sucky sometimes. Sometimes it is so incredibly amazing. But sometimes it takes you down a peg or two.

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So, without further ado, I am becoming a more open space on the internet. If I can in any way help even one person I’ll be happy.

Here is a list of 10 things I know to be true. (There will be more to come.)

  1. Closure may be terrifying and painful, but you need it.
  2. When someone keeps touching right where it hurts, they’re not clueless, they’re cruel.
  3. Nothing good ever comes out of reading old conversations.
  4. A long car ride with a friend can solve a lot of problems (or at least help you forget about them for a while).
  5. Judging people is honestly the biggest waste of time ever and it doesn’t make you look cool.
  6. The problem with second chances is that they are rarely ever just the second time.
  7. Life isn’t easy. Wear your bruises and scars with pride to prove you showed up.
  8. You have to find someone who is willing to sit in your little hole with you sometimes.
  9. When appropriate, no pants are better than pants.
  10. You have to own who you are.


How to Focus on You

Way back in November or December the very wise Anna Tselevich (Undeniably Anna) told me I needed to start being selfish, especially with my time. At the time, did I not only not understand what she meant, I had no idea how to do that. Thankfully I had Thanksgiving and Christmas break to try and get my footing.


Read some great books//I may do a post very soon about some of my favorite books but my all time favorite has to be The Opposite of Loneliness. It may not be everyones cup of tea as it is a collection of short stories, essays and poems, both fiction and nonfiction. They are largely about the author Marina Keegan. I actually start to cry when I think about her stories because the book is beyond beautiful. It was just so great to read something about our generation from someone who was actually living it, and someone who can look at all these problems and still remain so hopeful.

Get creative//Whatever that means for you, do it! For me that means writing. I write about everything. The age-old “write a letter and never send it” is seriously therapeutic. If you’re a painter, paint! If you’re a dancer, dance! Whatever it is that makes you really happy, do it!

Find some great new movies to watch//Make a list of all the movies you never got around to watching or find a list of  “must see” movies and watch them!

Realize that you don’t have to be alone//Just because you have decided to take some time for yourself, doesn’t mean you have to isolate yourself. Sometimes what you need the most is to have a day just hanging out with your best friend, or getting a group of people together to go see and movie and dinner.

I think what being selfish with your time means is finding what you love and doing it as much as you can. A large part of  “being selfish” is also not letting things that aren’t important take up too much of your time. This is your time to take care of yourself and put yourself first.



So Hi… I’m Still Alive 2

Hi everyone!! I really don’t even know where to start for this post. As you know I haven’t written on here at least, in months. A couple of nights ago I was working on stuff for The Undeniable Life (we just re-did the site and it looks really amazing!!) and had this thought, “I created this whole little place for myself, and haven’t even been contributing to it.” Which, for some reason, really seems to sum up my year. I really cannot even begin to tell you how absolutely insane this year has been. I knew that school would be crazy, and it was, but nothing could have prepared me for the rest of the year. Maybe someday, years from now, I’ll share more about this year, because if nothing else good came from this year, I really did learn a lot. Well, in all honesty, that sentiment can be summed up best by something one of my favorite singers, Alessia Cara, said about her first album. “This is full of things I think I know but secretly haven’t figured out yet.”


Back in November I wrote a Sunday Reflections/Update on me and my life. In that post I talked about how I finally had gotten back to a good place and had made a routine that really worked for me. All I am going to say about that is I think God couldn’t stop laughing. Just hours after that post went up once again life took a very interesting turn. So, this is really what I am trying to say: I can’t predict the future. I don’t know where life will take me or what direction I will exactly take my blog in. It may not be perfect, but I really want to get back to posting. It makes me happy and gives me and outlet, and both of those things are needed right now.